An old Love
by Arinya
Summary: In workforce, Janeway hasn't been rescued but eventually gains her memory. Now she's married, she and Chakotay have a painful reunion


Untitled

_*There's a thousand words that I could say to make you come home, yeah_

Seems so long ago you walked away and left me alone

And I remember what you said to me, you were acting so strange

And maybe I was too blind to see that you needed a change*

~*~

"Hello Chakotay" said Kathryn softly. "Kathryn" said Chakotay. "How are you?" he asked.

"Fine, Jaften and I are very happy" she said smiling and looking back at Jaften who was currently cooking. Chakotay looked on sadly. "And you?" she asked. He ran a hand through his short and graying hair. "To tell the truth Kathryn. I'm--I'm quite lonely." he said. "Why?" she asked. "Well, Helen died two days ago." he said and he put down his head. An unseen tear slid down his cheek and he wiped it away before looking at Kathryn again. 

She put her hand on the viewscreen, "I, I don't know what to say Chakotay. I'm so sorry. . ." she left off. "I wish you could come back Kathryn. It's too empty on Voyager. Everyone misses you, I miss you" he said. She looked away. "I can't go back, I started something. I can't just quit. Besides, were in . ." she said reluctant to tell the rest in fear of hurting Chakotay. 

~*~

_*Was it something I said to make you turn away_

To make you walk out and leave me cold

If I could just find a way to make it so that you were right here, right now*

But the difference was seen. He seemed to sag and look twenty years older. "Please" he said. Chakotay, I have another life now" she said as gently as she could. "I know" he said.

_*I've been sitting here, can't get you off my mind_

I'm trying my best to be a man and be strong

I drove myself insane, wishing I could touch your face

But the truth remains you're

Gone*

~*~

"If I could just see you. Face to face another time. I would be so happy." he said. "And this isn't the same?" she joked. "No, it's not the same. It isn't right" he said, making her feel gloomy.

"I'm sorry, I really am" she said. "I know. But it hurts Kathryn. It really does. Everytime I'm on the bridge, at your ready room, I think about you. The crew knows that I miss you. They know it's driving me crazy, that everytime I get up on the morning, it's just the empty space I see, not you"

"They know that I try to take as little bridge shifts as I can. Because it hurts whenever I step there, and sit in your chair. They know that I give myself as many reports as possible, just so I can keep busy. Kathryn, I just--I need you. But now that this has happened, I know you can't come back." 

~*~

_*Now I don't wanna make excuses baby_

Won't change the fact that you're gone

But if there's something that I could do, won't you please let me know?

The time is passing so slowly now, guess that's my life without you

And maybe I could change my everyday, but I don't want to*

_*_

So I'll just hang around and find some things to do

To take my mind off missing you

And I know in my heart, you can't say you don't love me too

Please say you do, yeah*

~*~

"I never knew" she said. "No" he said. "Kathryn" called Jaften. "I have to go" said Kathryn, she began to stand. "No!" said Chakotay. "Wait a minute. I jut want to know one thing" he said. She waited patiently. "Do you. . .Do you love me?" he asked. Her eyes widened. "I can't answer that" she said. "Please Kathryn. Just one answer, yes or no. I'll be in peace for the rest of my life." "It's a horrible way to live not knowing if the person you love the most hates you or not"

~*~

_*I've been sitting here, can't get you off my mind_

I'm trying my best to be a man and be strong

I drove myself insane, wishing I could touch you face

But the truth remains you're

Gone*

(violin plays in background)

What will I do if I can't be with you

Tell me where will I turn to, baby who will I be

Now we are apart, am I still in your heart?

~*~

"I don't hate you" she whispered. "Then what's your answer?" "Kathryn!" said Jaften. "I" she said, then looked back. "I" she looked at his pleading face and remembered the special moments they had shared together before. She rememebered how much he cared and looked out for her. And she knew the answer in her heart, "I love you Chakotay" she said. He smiled an old man's smile and put his hand to the viewscreen, "I die a happy man" he said. She put her hand on his and they looked at each other for what seemed like eternity. She then broke the gaze and wiped a tear away.

"Good bye Chakotay" she said. "Good bye Kathryn, achinya-nadra" he said and the connection was done

"Achinya-nadra" she said to herself. "I love you too" she whispered to the sea wind


End file.
